Stressed out, umpiring baseball, Eckhart Tolle and meditation

[fledman]

I'm re-reading "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. I have a question for those of you who have read the book. What do you think he means in the beginning of the book when his subconscious told him to "resist nothing"? It seems to me we resist those things of which we are afraid. I think to "resist nothing" means to allow oneself to be afraid or to fail or to try.

I read some Jon Kabot-Zinn, who stressed 7 things: non judgemental, patience, non striving, mind of a child, trust yourself, acceptance and letting go. These themes seem to come up over and over in all writing and explanation of meditation and stress reduction. I'm especially taken with Tolle's instruction to just listen to the voice in our heads. To make no judgement of it. He says we are controlled by the pain body or our unconcious mind (the voice in our head) which is working overtime to convince us that it is the true self. We develop a negative image which is reinforced by the voice. The voice convinces us that we have to behave in a certain way or all will be lost. It takes control. It is in fact fighting for it's own existence. By actively listening to the voice and observing it and observing ourselves observing it, we can separate ourselves from it. The point being that if you can observe a thing, you must be separate from it. That allows one contact his/her true identity, that same identity present during meditation.

I've been doing this with some success. I've also been doing a meditation provided by a company called Holosync. It's incredible. It comes on a CD which I've put in my I-pod and listen to every morning. I've been doing it for about 3 weeks. I'm up to an hour every morning. I am overcome with feelings of peace and confidence. I've had very vivid dreams where I display a type of confidence I've never before experience, awake or asleed. It's like discovering a part of me exists that I never knew was there. I'm still in the early stages of this.

I've started umpiring baseball, however, and am very stressed out about it. Still, I feel I need the challenge. I want to explore those areas of life that are unknown and uncomfortable, areas where in the past I didn't have the confidence to go. It's scary but I'm trying not to resist. I can feel the pain body rebelling. I am listening to the voice imploring me to quit. I am observing it without judgement. I sense a panic in the pain body's frantic and almost desperate attempt to hold on as the energy force in charge. It knows that if I push myself into areas of discomfort and succeed, its days of holding me back will be over. As a result it is ratcheting up the stress level in an attempt to hold on and convince me to turn back.

I'm worried about the stress, which at times is on the level of a panic attack, but at the same time I am convinced that should I stick it out and get through the learning curve and do this thing that I've alway wanted to do, but have not had the courage to do, my confidence will be released in a poweful way - which should in the long run reduce my level of stress.

Kind of long winded, but any thoughts out there on stress and how to deal with it rather than just avoid it?

Fledman

[Roxanne]

Stress management is my Achilles heel, so I really appreciated your post. I continue to be impressed and touched by the honesty and insights people share here.

My only advice -- and I'm still learning, believe me -- is to do the "what's the worst that can happen?" exercise when I'm faced with a situation that stresses me out. When I work it through -- either in my head or in my journal -- and let myself admit my greatest fears, they often don't seem as likely to happen, or as unmanageable if they do. Just "naming" it seems to dissipate the fear somewhat. And the process often yields solutions -- something I can actually DO to make a situation better, less stressful.

I'll wager that the meditation technique and results you're experiencing -- and that feeling of confidence -- will ultimately change how you perceive things, too.

Again, thanks for sharing.

Best,
Roxanne

[Newyorker]

Originally Posted by fledman

I've been doing this with some success. I've also been doing a meditation provided by a company called Holosync. It's incredible. It comes on a CD which I've put in my I-pod and listen to every morning. I've been doing it for about 3 weeks. I'm up to an hour every morning. I am overcome with feelings of peace and confidence. I've had very vivid dreams where I display a type of confidence I've never before experience, awake or asleed. It's like discovering a part of me exists that I never knew was there. I'm still in the early stages of this.


Fledman

Can u shed some more light on holosync? Did you order their entire CD packet which costs somewhere around $ 150 bucks. or you requested trial CD which they send once you register with them.

[fledman]

New Yorker/Roxanne,

Thanks very much for the replies,

I got a copy from my son. You start by doing a 30 min meditation for 2 weeks and then add a second 30 min meditation for 4 months. You do them together, for an hour. I do it every morning. I'm about three weeks into it. An hour is a long time, but I'm beginning to look forward to it.

I umped behind the plate today. I did a lot of visualizations yesterday and some while I was listening to the meditation. I visualized myself seeing the plays well and being able to make the calls. I ended up having a pretty good game. I was way more relaxed than I thought I'd be.

Still, it's like giving a speech. The anticipation is always worse than the actual speech. I've suffered this kind of stress all my life. I'm hoping the combination of pushing into uncomfortable, unknown territory and the meditation will help me grow in a positive way. I should have done this thirty years ago, but I didn't. It feels good to challenge my demons, but it comes at a cost - stress. I feel pretty good today. Like I vanquished a dragon.

Fledman

[sallyjol]

Feldman,

I am very interested in your techniques for conquering fears and/or anxiety. I am in a very difficult graduate school program (mostly online) and very impersonal. It is causing me a lot of stress and many, many days I think about quitting. I'm horrible at meditating (as I've mentioned many times in other posts) because I can't stop the gerbils in my mind from spinning. Anything and everything you come up with to help would be very interesting to me. I will google that cd thing your talking about right now, but I don't have time to read for pleasure.
It sounds like the game went well for you today, which is great! Do the team players and managers come out and yell at you? That would be un-nerving. Maybe the meditation CD's are the answer, huh? Wow, the mind is a powerful thing, just need to rein it in. Thanks for all the interesting insight, Sally

[fledman]

Sallyjol,

Thanks for the response. I appreciate it. It would be hard to give advice on how you could reduce your stress. For me, getting some cardio exercise helps. I think Eckhart Tolle is a very insightful guy. When you hear your voice encouraging you to quit your graduate program, try to just listen to the voice, observe it non judgementally. Keep in mind that whenever you enter new territory in your life, your identity which is controlled by your mind, will be afraid and will try to discourage you. If you understand that that's what's going on, perhaps you can just observe the silent dialogue that is taking place in your head. If so you might be able to gain some separation from your mind which is desperately seeking to stay in control. If you can understand that the warnings going off in your head about how awful your current situation is and how it should be abandoned at all costs, are simply the irrational thrashings of your conscious mind trying to maintain control and keep in place the comfort level it has worked so hard to establish, then maybe that would lower you level of stress. The point is, don't resist it, just listen to it. Feel the emotion, but don't analyze it. See yourself observing it.
That's what I do. Then I do some meditation, that really helps, if only temporarily, but it tends to really relax me and put me back on track. Another technique I like is to do a walking meditation. Sometimes your too hyped up to sit still and meditate. Go out and go for a walk, but focus on your breathing or some mantra. If you mind wanders, gently bring it back. Never judge yourself. Don't strive to achieve anything. Remember the voice telling you to quit is not reality. It's just scared because it senses you are about to leave it behind. You might talk to it and tell it that you aren't leaving it behind, that you are moving on but that it can come too. Show it some compassion.

Again, I'm not trying to give any advice, just explaining what I do.

Good luck.

Fledman

[sallyjol]

Thank you for all of that, I really appreciate it. How goes the umpiring experience?

[fledman]

I'm getting really tired of posting a repy only to have the program log me out and have to do it all over again. What am I doing wrong?

The umpiring is a mixed bag. I've been out there 5 times now and I'm pretty good at it and it has gone reasonable well, but my emotional response in anticipation of each game is not good. I've been suffering much anxiety. My blood pressure is up, I sweat profusely, my heart pounds. I can't sleep and I lose my appetite.

I can't figure out why no confidence seems to attach. I need to find a way to emotionally understand and feel that things are going well, that I can do this, that am in fact doing it, that I am under no real attack. This is exactly the kind of situation that I wanted to put myself into, one where I can learn to feel good about myself and not care what others think even though they might be upset with me over decisions I've made. Still, the intensity of the anxiety is so great that I either need to start feeling better about the experience soon, or I will have to give it up, which I don't want to do.

Any ideas?

Fledman

[sallyjol]

Have you tried visualization exercises in addition to meditation? In my twenties, I jumped horses and it was scarey at times. Sometimes I would try to visualize the jump course and see myself riding the course and clearing each jump without problem. The other thing I remember doing was focusing very intently on my breathing during the ride and just sort of (I can't explain this right)softening my eyes.

You could try visualization of the pitches and your calls, the batter swings and every time you make a call, it is correct.

While you are in the midst of umpiring, try to focus intently on your breathing ( rate and rhythm), slow it down, focus on it going deep in your lungs and out again. And then you just focus on the pitches and your breathing, let your eyes relax and lose focus on every thing else.

While you stand behind the catcher, you might be aware of your posture too, so that you are relaxed through your shoulders and back and that your core is tight (tighten your gluts and abdomen), this helps with breathing right. When I teach riding, I always tell people, "there is a string tied to the top of your helmet, tied to the sky" and I make them do many, many shoulder and back relaxation techniques, because if you are scared, the horse knows it first! I also work very hard with new riders on their necks and chins. Tension likes to build up there and if I'm not very aware, I can have a rider sticking their chins out and fixing their necks in a stiff position (poor form when riding). So maybe you could also remember to turn your head from side to side, and relax your jaw (sometimes chewing gum helps).

I imagine you have to lean forward to umpire, is that right or wrong? So you may try to adapt these relaxation techniques to your personal situation. I hope this helps you succeed at your dream.

[fledman]

Thanks Sallyjol,

Those are good ideas. I'll try them. Most of the anxiety, however, occurs in the days leading up to the game.

Fledman